Needy, Smothering and Insecure......

I would just like to start and ask “Does anyone find these traits attractive?”   Why would you?  They lead to so many negative behaviors.   Lets talk about Needy first.  Needy is annoying to a lot of people. Some guys like it in the beginning because it meets with their overwhelming need, there’s that word again, to be a rescuer.  Unfortunately, they get tired of it at some point because they are so busy rescuing at some point they can’t enjoy the person.  Now guys can be just as needy too.  Its not a gender exclusive action.  Sometimes it can be okay to be a little needy, we all have those moments.  Key word in that sentence is moments.  When one person in a relationship is needy all of the time or even just most of the time, its emotionally draining to the other person in that relationship.  Their has to be a give back to reach the balance again. Can it be reached, I say always “yes”. Of course there is the situations where its gone on too long and one person doesn’t want to try anymore.  Then there are those situations where the needy person is actually being triggered to be needy by the other person’s behavior.  Sometimes by accident and sometimes on purpose. Yes I said on purpose.  Usually from their own baggage that they haven’t dealt with or even aware of.   When a needy person is needy most of the time it becomes emotionally smothering to the other.  It can actually feel like asphyxiation. This is almost irreparable and would take exceptional desire by both parties to come back from.  Lots of therapy, communication and patience.  The smothered one needs to understand that reassurance has to be given over and over.  Probably the last thing they want to do more of……The smotheror needs to understand what and when they are doing it and find a different path to meet those needs.  Whether it be the reassurance or blind faith, action is required for them to reduce the levels of being needy.   The third thing, insecurity, drives both of the behaviors we’ve discussed so far.  Everyone is insecure about something.  Each of us needs to try and identify what our insecurities are so we know what and when they are being stepped on, even by accident.  Then we can understand if it’s by accident or on purpose.  As we understand each of our insecurities and what triggers them we can realize different ways to react in a more positive manner..  It’s not easy, just simple.  If it was easy everyone would be doing it.  If everyone was doing it then life would be far less interesting.  Lol.  If you can step back from any negative situation and just own your part, then ask why did you behave that way, trying to get to the root or your actions will eventually lead you to your insecurity.  Once there you can realize it the next time it’s triggered and stop the negative behavior. I hope this helps a bit.  Good luck on your own personal growth!