The 21 Stages of the Narcissist and Empath Relationship

1. The narcissist attracts the empath. They begin a relationship. The empath’s love is deep and unconditional. The narcissist, on the other hand, has no intention of developing a stronger connection and getting close to the empath. The empath is happy and satisfied every time they are around the narcissist and they falsely think that their love is being reciprocated.

2. The empath starts to feel like they have finally met the love of their life. The narcissist asserts them by designing an illusion which leads the empath to think that they have a special bond that is impossible to break. At times, it may look like the narcissist wants the relationship as much as the empath, but this is not true. The narcissist only wants to be in control.

3. As the time passes, the narcissist will try to break the empath’s self-esteem by making them feel weak and unable to do even the simplest things. The narcissist will never openly attack the empath, but they will say something like, “I don’t mean to hurt you but…” and then mention some “shortcoming” of the empath. The whole control of the relationship will be in the hands of the narcissist as they will start making every decision. The empath will gradually start to believe that they are incapable of anything and that they are lucky to have the narcissist in their life.

4. The narcissist will become the sole center of the empath’s universe as they are the ones that are truly in love. They will always try to help, take care of, cheer up and soothe the narcissist. They will always be there for the narcissist whenever the narcissist needs them. The narcissist will try to present themselves as the victim thus manipulating the empath into giving them what they want since the empaths are natural givers. 

5. The empath’s intentions are pure. The empath has a good heart and they cannot understand the fact that the narcissist’s wounds are different from theirs, and so is the healing. The narcissist’s wounds cannot be healed with love, as the empath believes because the narcissist is a person who is immune to love.

6. The relationship starts to be all about the narcissist. Eventually, the empath will realize this, because as the time passes, they will start to feel afraid to state or fight for their desires and needs in the relationship. The empath will rather die than give someone a reason to dislike them, so they will still try to please the narcissist even though they are not happy in the relationship.

7. The more affection, devotion, effort, love, and care that the empath gives to the narcissist, the more in control the narcissist feels. And as long as the empath continues to put in the effort into the relationship, it is almost impossible for them to see a problem in the relationship. The problems arise when the empath finally ‘wakes up’ and reaches their breaking point.

8. The empath will eventually raise their voice because they can no longer stand the devaluing ways of the narcissist. The empath starts to feel devastated because their emotional needs are not being met. When the empath realizes that they have been living in a delusion all the time, they will start to speak up their truth. The narcissist is not happy with this new turn of events.

9. The narcissist is someone who needs constant attention. They feel satisfied when people obsess with them. However, they can never be happy no matter how much attention and praise they get from others. They always need more. And the empath often fails to understand this.

10. When the empath finally decides to honestly talk about their feelings with the narcissist, the narcissist is quick to call them “crazy”, “delusional”, or “over-dramatic.” They would dismiss any of the empath’s efforts to save the relationship and they will try to manipulate them again to regain the control.

11. For an empath, this behavior is impossible to understand. They would start blaming themselves for everything that is wrong in the relationship because the narcissist has them feeling like they are not good enough and they are not worthy of love.

12. The empath fails to understand that they are being manipulated once again. The narcissist has created a twisted way of reality in their minds. The empath is being gaslighted to a point where they cannot believe their own perception and sanity. They couldn’t see the truth that the narcissist is the one who is wrong and wicked, not they.

13. Every empath’s attempt to communicate honestly with the narcissist is pointless. The narcissist will always try to pass the blame to justify themselves.

14. The empath should know that it is completely okay and normal to feel confused, lost, defenseless, and deeply hurt. They need to do a lot of self-reflection and work on themselves to start feeling okay again.

15. Empaths are the healers of society. They have the inner strength that is necessary for them to overcome any challenge that comes their way. They can alleviate the other people’s pain as well as their own only if they are willing to do that.

16. The empath will eventually realize the bitter truth that the narcissist does not deserve their affection, love, and care. They must understand that not everyone who puts a sad face on is showing their true colors. There are many people out there who have vile motives and use many manipulative techniques to get what they want. The empath must face the brutal truth that not everyone who says ‘I love you’ really means it.

17. In the above situation, the empath needs to understand that they are the actual victim in the relationship – not the narcissist.

18. When the empath realizes that the narcissist will never change – this would be a painful revelation and awakening for them. However, this is essential for the empath to move forward and put an end to the toxic relationship with the narcissist.

19. The narcissist will go on with their life as if nothing has happened. They won’t even remember the enormous love and appreciation that the empath has given them.

20. The narcissist will move on and find a new victim.

21. The empath will become wiser, stronger, and more cautious of to whom they give their love, time, and affection.

-Author Unknown

Letter to Becca & Garrett

Dearest Becca & Garrett,

A little about me as a fan of the show, I wasn’t fast to watch the series from the beginning.  In fact I didn’t watch for several seasons.  It wasn’t until I met my girlfriend three years ago that I started realizing the following of the show.  A real phenomenon I’d say.  A process that I am still trying to wrap my head around. Simply put, you show up, meet almost 30 people to pick through over several weeks to find that needle in a haystack to spend the rest of your life with......hmmm.  I personally would have no idea how I could operate in that environment.  After watching several seasons of the Bachelor and Bachelorette, I see the process working more than not.  I like to watch the stories of the individuals unfold and the interaction grow and finally blossom.  So I’m hooked....lol

Becca, after watching a few Bachlorettes over the last three years, I had to write something about you.  I’ve never felt this urge before your season, by the way.  As I watched the heartbreak that you experienced my own heart was hurting for what you were going through.  Then your season started.
You had both ends of the spectrum in your choices.  You had amazing men, and you had some that just weren’t.  I was so impressed how you moved through the time you had with all of these men.  You were straight and upfront, always open and listening, grace and maturity are not foreign to you at all.  You are an amazing woman!

As for your choice as I watched the final rose tonight, I was sad for Blake.  It’s hard as you know to be in those shoes.  You were right about Jason too.  What a dynamic individual.  However, just like you, I liked Garrett from the start.  I liked how real he was, the minivan, the genuine smile and little sparkle in his eyes.  I like how you and Blake were, but I liked your times with Garrett more.  It just always seemed like you had the most fun and laughs when you were with him.  I especially liked what he told you on that last date. That if it wasn’t him, he would understand, his main focus was your happiness.  I hoped and hoped he would be your choice for all of these reasons.

I wish you two the very best!  Garrett, you know the woman you have in your life and what her worth is.  Just know that Becca knows the man that you are and the potential you two possess as a couple has no limit!  Not that it matters, but you have the total support of one old man in Newport Beach!  I Love You Guys and how you are with each other.  Thank you both for sharing your lives with us.

Michael

Just some of the differences in the sexes.....

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now men.. men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Needy, Smothering and Insecure......

I would just like to start and ask “Does anyone find these traits attractive?”   Why would you?  They lead to so many negative behaviors.   Lets talk about Needy first.  Needy is annoying to a lot of people. Some guys like it in the beginning because it meets with their overwhelming need, there’s that word again, to be a rescuer.  Unfortunately, they get tired of it at some point because they are so busy rescuing at some point they can’t enjoy the person.  Now guys can be just as needy too.  Its not a gender exclusive action.  Sometimes it can be okay to be a little needy, we all have those moments.  Key word in that sentence is moments.  When one person in a relationship is needy all of the time or even just most of the time, its emotionally draining to the other person in that relationship.  Their has to be a give back to reach the balance again. Can it be reached, I say always “yes”. Of course there is the situations where its gone on too long and one person doesn’t want to try anymore.  Then there are those situations where the needy person is actually being triggered to be needy by the other person’s behavior.  Sometimes by accident and sometimes on purpose. Yes I said on purpose.  Usually from their own baggage that they haven’t dealt with or even aware of.   When a needy person is needy most of the time it becomes emotionally smothering to the other.  It can actually feel like asphyxiation. This is almost irreparable and would take exceptional desire by both parties to come back from.  Lots of therapy, communication and patience.  The smothered one needs to understand that reassurance has to be given over and over.  Probably the last thing they want to do more of……The smotheror needs to understand what and when they are doing it and find a different path to meet those needs.  Whether it be the reassurance or blind faith, action is required for them to reduce the levels of being needy.   The third thing, insecurity, drives both of the behaviors we’ve discussed so far.  Everyone is insecure about something.  Each of us needs to try and identify what our insecurities are so we know what and when they are being stepped on, even by accident.  Then we can understand if it’s by accident or on purpose.  As we understand each of our insecurities and what triggers them we can realize different ways to react in a more positive manner..  It’s not easy, just simple.  If it was easy everyone would be doing it.  If everyone was doing it then life would be far less interesting.  Lol.  If you can step back from any negative situation and just own your part, then ask why did you behave that way, trying to get to the root or your actions will eventually lead you to your insecurity.  Once there you can realize it the next time it’s triggered and stop the negative behavior. I hope this helps a bit.  Good luck on your own personal growth!

Real Love Stories........

Real Love Stories have no endings.  The individuals just keep on loving each other through anything that comes their way. Because in a real love story it's about loving each other without any expectation in return.  Yes, that's right it's an unconditional love.  Now you're probably thinking that doesn't exist in any relationship.  I get how you might think that.  However, "real love stories" do exist.  You can't explain it any other way but to recognize that it has to exist.  It's not really that hard to imagine, it's simple really. It may not be easy but it is simple.  Each individual has to know themselves enough to be comfortable with "who" they  are.  Then they can appreciate so much more out of life.  They can actually know things that no one else knows.  They can experience pleasures that no one else can because they have no filter telling them that they can't.  Or that this action means that in 5 years, 3 months, 21 days, 4 hours, 43 minutes and 20 seconds this will happen, and it will have to be a deal breaker.  All because a guy that was once dating your twice removed cousin's hairdresser said one of his clients was in this "situation" one time.  The past, your past or someone else's, doesn't predict anyone's future experience.  Everyone will be happier if they learn from the past, but not hold on to it.  Enjoy the present, by being present.  Not worrying about the past. And lastly, not trying to predict the future, especially with the past.  I have to wonder if the "present" is the named that because it's so rarely enjoyed by the masses, that to fully experience it is like a gift.

Once you have past the threshold in life of worrying about "what's in this for me?" and just doing the right thing, you can see so much to appreciate and love about others that pretty soon just one stands out of the crowd.  They  won't be tooting their own horn or saying "pick me because".  They will be humble about who they are and teach you about how they appreciate things  in life including other people.  You will share yourselves on a level that neither of you have before.  Knowing somehow that it will be okay no matter what it is you share.  In that sharing you will become closer and closer, the issues that have been judged harshly in the past will bring the most joy, appreciation and love of that person that just "gets you" like no one ever has before.  You'll love them like you've never loved anyone before.  Things will just mushroom from there like each one of you is feeding off of the other, reaching nuclear levels.  You can't wait to be together at the end of each work day.  You rush home because you want to experience more of this amazing partner you've found.  There is a new calm during your rush home that you've never had before, because you know, you just know somehow that it will be this way forever.  You have the love, understanding, communication, realistic expectations and last but not least trust, that you've always desired.  There is no end to this story, because a story like this will go on for all of eternity!
 

Nice read.....everyone can learn from this

Eight marriage killing mistakes women make. Click here to read.

Is it worth it?

We all need to gauge ourselves when it comes to what is "worth it" in our relationships.  The worth I'm talking about has no monetary vailue.  You can't save it up and buy anything material.  You won't be able to go out on the town with it or anything.  It will have great value though.  It will continue to appreciate in value as much as you create the possibility for it to exist. 

It's self worth that I'm talking about.  What is your self worth.  You hear a lot of people talk about other people's relationships and they low self esteem, low self worth, etc. or they wouldn't stay with them.  Pretty common right?  What about your low self worth causing you to be petty?  Like having some small thing that you want to fight about.  In the fight it rises to deal breaker for you when really it was small in the grand scheme of things.  I often use the anaolgy of taking out the trash.  Why does the trash have to be a point of contention in an otherwise great relationship?  The conversation would go something like this.....

"I need you to take out the trash"
"Okay, I'll get to it when I'm done here"
5 minutes later.....
"I need it taken out right now!"
"I said I'd take care of it when I'm done here"
"You don't care about me"
"I do care about you? what are you talking about?"

Then the argument escalates from there.  How did we go from taking out the trash being more important than the worth of either person or the relationship?  I think it's low self worth.  Good, positive self worth would never allow a person to apply the meaning that a task means that there significant other doesn't care about them.  Then you have to ask yourself "why would you go there over a petty insignificant item of any kind?"

So work on yourself and analyze why something so small rises to such importance. Make sure it's worth what you're throwing away.......